This adorable kitty is demonstrating what I look/feel like far too often. Is that a familar look from your mirror? It's no good. Being happy is the smartest thihng you can do. But how do you do that?
A while ago I saw a twitter hashtag about “radical self love” which is such a huge concept that it baffled me into silence. And then I forgot about it entirely while life marched on with the annoyances of coupons and phone calls. Meanwhile, I’ve been fighting some sort of flu, and feeling the way day old Ramen must feel (which is to say: BLERGHITY BLERGH BLERGH, wah).
So, this morning I find myself up early, feeling marginally better if only by a placebo effect of taking a ton of vitamins and sleeping approx fifteen years! I’m was on twitter, and I found myself trying to find people who were talking about this radical self love thing. Well, I’m no expert (and always out of the loop, I fear…) but I guess it was radical self love month this February? ANYWAY. Via XOX Bubbles, by way of Gala Darling, I saw there was a questionnaire. Well, I’m as drawn to questionnaires as much as I’m drawn to making excessive lists… So I’ve filled it out. With um, actual honesty. Gulps.
What does RADICAL SELF LOVE mean to you?
The art form of refusing to judge yourself harshly is radical self love. The ability to see a pimple or (gasp!) two in the mirror and still have no shame or lowered confidence to go about your day is radical self love. The idea of waking up every morning and being determined to go out of your way to be nice and make your day happy for yourself is radical self love. Dealing with ugly pieces of honesty in your life and not letting them rule it – is radical self love. Radical self love, to me, means being happy and not apologizing for it. It means blooming and running with your potential. It means flossing so you don’t have to get dentures, not covering scars or birth marks, saving something sentimental even if it’s ugly, not wearing trendy shoes if they hurt your feet… It means admitting what you love…. especially that you love yourself.
If you were engaging in RADICAL SELF LOVE on a daily basis, what would that look like?
You’d see me smiling. I wouldn’t need to sit and try to practice “smile therapy” anymore, that’s for sure… (don’t laugh!) I’m sure I’d look physically the same, but if you examined my aura (which I totally believe in!) you’d see it was a happy color. As far as the actions, I’d personally really focus on monitoring my ridiculous stress levels that are not consistent with the reality of what they should be. I would definitely take more time out to lay on the floor with my cat and just “be” without an agenda, or thinking an hour ahead to a plan. I’d do that “live in the moment” thing that people talk about, and stop putting everything off. I’d use my shampoo every morning instead of saving it until it’s expired.
What small pieces of that can you bring into your life TODAY?
Well, I guess the shampoo thing isn’t so difficult…I really want to stop “saving” so many things, thinking there will be some perfect time where I’ll be glad I’ve saved things. I need to use my stuff and be glad to have it. And while that sounds shallow – it does deeper than that. I need to be aware of TODAY, and do something unexpected and out of my routine. I need to be aware that the only one in charge of my happiness is me, rather than letting that fall onto other people in my life.
Which qualities or attributes would you like to bring into your own life via the application of RADICAL SELF LOVE?
Just getting myself to like myself would be a big challenge. I never feel accomplished, or worthy, or like I deserve anything good. When people give me compliments I’m all about deflecting and fidgeting.
What beliefs do you currently hold that are stifling your regular expression of RADICAL SELF LOVE?
I guess I don’t feel that I’m “worth it” no matter how many L’oreal commercials I see.
Are the people & activities in your life HELPING or HINDERING you in your quest for RADICAL SELF LOVE? Would you be better off without them?
Actually, I have very supportive friends who never say anything but helpful, understanding, and sweet things to me. Like any normal person would, I call them liars and run away! Heh. Well, metaphorically. I simply refuse to believe them if they say anything nice. Or I take what they say, and then scale/downgrade it about 30%. I have a hard time saying good things about myself, but I’ve really followed-through on efforts to back away from frenemies in my life.
How can you reflect RADICAL SELF LOVE in the way you speak, the way you dress, the way you decorate your house, the work you do?
I can take care of myself better and go the extra half mile if I have the energy (like painting my nails). I think I would benefit from exercising more than the paltry amount I do now – and the endorphins might help more. I can finally buy a DUST RUFFLE, instead of just keep putting that at the bottom of my list – even though I really really want one because my bed feels ugly without it! When it comes to work, I can try to be less detached and worry less about getting my feelings hurt – because I have to learn to let things bounce off of me more. I’m sensitive, but I need to keep a balance. I’d like to feel more connected on all levels of my life – surrounding myself with what I truly like, and just having everything be a true reflection of me and not my anticipation of what some anonymous person might want. I want to be less easily discouraged, and I should actively remind myself to do so.
Who could you use as a RADICAL SELF LOVE role model?
This is a tricky question because I feel like everyone is under-loving themselves. Even celebrity role models I could list probably have just as much doubt about themselves sometimes, but they’re not going to voice too much of that in their national interviews. So, one of the role models that comes to my mind is my cat. HEAR ME OUT. She cannot be shamed, she has lots of self-confidence, she does what she wants, she takes lots of time to nap and groom herself, and she always lets people know when she wants something or need something. Animals in general are my radical self love role models.
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Please feel free to comment on the things I’ve shared, or leave a link to your own answers. And remember… She’s Smart – She’s YOU. The website URL of shessmart.com is actually a totally self-affirming one, which I hadn’t realized because I am usually thinking about too many things at once. This blog is meant to be for YOU, whoever you are. The inspiration comes from being someone who wants fabulous things and has good taste, but cannot just go out and buy everything with no concern for price. Over my 20-odd years, I’ve had to learn to comparison shop, make pro/con lists in my mind at registers, and find the places where I can get something I really want for much less than where it’s most easily found (Sure, Bloomingdale’s has great shoes. But DSW has similar shoes at prices I can actually afford.)
The idea of not listening things on the blog that are over $100 (unless it’s a computer, piece of furniture or space suit) stems from the very real fact that that’s how I shop. When it comes to blush, comfortable flip flops, or a new pair of capri’s – I never spend more than $100. And if ever I buy a space suit, I’m sure I’ll comparison shop for THAT, too!
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